A Hundred Hail Marys

A Hundred Hail Marys

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A Hundred Hail Marys

By M. Allshouse

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

You gave me a test,

But I mistook it for love–again.

Silver- tongued like the garden snake,

He fed me guile

You warned me not to partake.

Glory be to the–

Father

I stumble on the words

Like they descend in my throat

Jagged-edged,

Bitter with repentance

No honeyed forgiveness to coat.

As it was in the beginning,

Is now, and ever–

I can’t finish.

Ritual replaces presence.

You claim to love me–

But where is your hand in my life?

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

I am driven to wrath,

Left abandoned–again.

Like Mary Magdalene, desperate and crying,

I pound on the tomb

After divine love lay dying.

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having–

Offended thee?

And I detest your–

Absence.

I mean, all my sins.

You scorn me with silence,

Ne’er offering your grace again.

Who art all-good and deserving of–

All my love.

Yet I have been cast in the shadows

Of your distaste,

Denied favor before I was

Ever imparted a name.

I used to believe–

I mean I believe

In God,

The father almighty,

In the one

Who has discarded me.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

Deceitful words are my transgression–

Again.

Thirty coins is my compensation;

Like Judas, I lied

For self- preservation.

Glory be to the Father,

Or the one who claims to be so.

Sitting on a throne

Yet blind as I lie prostrate–

Prone.

Our Father,

Who art in heaven,

Hallowed be your–

Ignorance to my pleas

You lounge in your kingdom

But do not walk beside me.

How can you possibly lead me not into temptation

When you’re blind to my tribulation

But lean in when I confess what I’ve done wrong?

Forgive me. Father, for I have sinned.

Would you like a hundred Hail Marys,

Or shall I repeat the Lord’s Prayer again?

I am like Jonah

In this confessional whale,

Crying repentance

Each time I inevitably fail.

Hail Mary,

Full of grace,

Does it bother you

That who you birthed

Is the only reason we know your name?

Blessed art thou among women,

Because of proximity

Not who you chose to be

Were you more devout

Or just more seen

Than ‘Father’ has ever been to me?